I learned from one who was particularly good at friend making that a great way of doing it is to ask for help.
I experienced it myself recently when a neighbor I’ve not been particularly close to saw me messing around with a fence gate. I would rather these projects were in the back instead of the front of the house, especially when that neighbor is present, but sometimes we can’t choose.
It’s not because of any one thing I can describe, we’re just different in our approach to things and we’ve never bonded. One thing I’ll acknowledge, however, he’s very handy and knows how to fix things.
I’d struggled with this gate before and, since he was out mowing, I figured the friendly thing to do would go over and ask his advise. It was the best thing I could have done.
Not only did he have an approach I’d have never thought of, before long he was bringing his tools over and instead of him helping me I was helping him! At least a little. It took a couple of hours but he didn’t seem to mind. It was like he enjoyed it, and (surprise) so did I.
The light conversation, the being involved in a common project, and (the easy part) allowing him to be the expert, all worked to build a bridge between us that was new. And refreshing. There’s been a new warmth ever since. (And I got my gate fixed!)
That was just one example. People like to help. Always acting like we never need it makes us seem standoffish and independent. It’s not a way to be friendly.
Even Jesus once asked a certain woman for a drink.* It’s not that he was without resources, having proved he could do wonderful things with water. But he was reaching out to her, starting a conversation. He asked for help. A bond was begun.
Try it yourself. Drown your pride. Become dependent. Ask someone for help. Do it today!
You’ll be surprised at the friendships that form, or existing ones deepen.
And the benefit will be on both sides.
_______________________
*It’s the story of the woman at the well in John 4.
Our Lives Together
Its About Life
7:02 am
Thanks for the great advice. Glad to know the gate and friendship are in better working order too.
7:36 am
Good! As you know, this was Uncle Cam’s primary way of building relationships with all kinds of people.
7:54 am
Yes, Uncle Cam Townsend, founder of Wycliffe Bible Translators (and much else). He was famous for it, and the one referred to in my opening sentence.
8:12 am
Wow … I know that feeling with certain neighbors, good reminder of some work I’ve got to do in that area, and a gracious way to go about it. We’re always thinking, “May I help you?” Which is appropriate, but not always at hand. Whereas, flip-flopping that question, giving another an opportunity to fill a need, would certainly validate and bestow worth on that person helping out. Great way to engage.
9:54 am
Oh how true is this. Another great blog, Hyatt! Since my husband passed away 13 yrs ago, I have been on that receiving end needing help numerous times. It wasn’t easy because I discovered I didn’t know what I needed until I needed it!!! And I didn’t always know how to ask, especially since a well meaning person told me I may need to move to a condo where they would do the work for me. So that caused me to think maybe I didn’t have the right to ask for help!
Anyway……..when the homeschool families came to help around the yard, it was very humbling, but sooooo much fun. Lots of laughter. The men’s ministry came once and did lots of odd jobs. The women of passion group came and worked in the back yard another time and oh what fun we had! We worked hard, we visited, and we laughed a lot! Just this week I called a friend who has sprayed all around my house for ants……I called him and asked!!! Not so hard this time. Now I want to have he and his wife for dinner. ….and so it goes! Blessed for sure!
5:03 pm
Humbling yourself and asking for help gives the other person, a chance to feel good about themselves. That is a wonderful way to give someone a gift. Also, I believe that is a wonderful way to make people feel like they have friends. When you let somebody help you in anyway, you are giving them the gift of friendship because you are then welcoming them into your life and your circle. That is a wonderful thing to do for someone. You are also blessed with their help and expertise. Great reminder! Thank you Hyatt! Lisa