A quick shot with a hand held camera on one of our past “Day in the Desert” one-day retreats.
Recently I was listening to a friend pour out a mindful of concerns and stresses and I asked her if she had a best friend. She thought about it, said she had a lot of friends, but couldn’t name one with exactly that description. I recommended she find one.
The next week she was almost ecstatic to tell me that a long-time acquaintance had called her to talk. Seems her friend’s therapist had been regularly recommending that she find a best friend. (And this is a very “together” person who would not normally admit she even went to a therapist.) But just that week, that friend called my friend and asked if they could start getting together on a regular basis, just to talk.
We were amazed at the timing of all this . . . except that the seeker always finds.
What the therapist recommended to her client may have come from training; what I’d recommended to my friend comes from experience.
I’ve had a best friend for most of my adult life. In fact, I’ve had different ones at different times, generally only changing when there’s a change in location and the regular contact is no longer viable. But even that can be overcome.
I’ve been meeting with my friend Mike Evans on a weekly basis for 20 years! Even during the four years my family and I were away living in Canada we kept in regular contact. And we’ve never missed our annual one-day retreat, our “Day in the Desert,” the long drive and then a long walk to discover whatever, but mostly just to talk . . . about whatever.
And “whatever” is what keeps the conversation going, week after week. From an early time we’ve grown to know each other so well we can bring up anything. Laughter, I should add, is a big part of it. But there’s also the depths, sometimes the pains, the kinds of things one should not have to go through alone.
Talking things out just helps, as does getting response back. My friend’s friend’s therapist knows that. And so do you.
They say women need this kind of thing more than men, but I say everybody needs it. And besides needing it, it’s just fun . . . something that adds quality to a life.
There’s a brief and telling statement in the Old Testament about all this. The writer is listing a long line of officials in the service of King David. At the end he adds one more, distinguished by being in a category of its own: And Hushai the Arkite was the king’s friend.*
So I say, choose someone and meet for coffee. If it goes well, arrange to meet again. If that goes well, agree to keep it going.
You’ll save on a whole lot of therapy bills, and find yourself adding meaning to your life . . . and that of another.
____________________
* 1 Chronicles 27:33
Our Lives Together
Its About Life
1:30 pm
Amen! I think I have 3 BFF that fills that need 1 super BFF. Make sense? And all are friends from many years ago like 40+ years. The three are lunch time friends and one is now a phone/snail mail only friend, but we can talk for hours about everything to the cats to the Bible.
2:48 pm
Agreed!
2:48 pm
I love the “walk and talk” idea, too, Hyatt. Just like your desert hike, this friend and I do just that. Wherever we meet, we walk … and talk. About everything, sometimes daily humorous minutia, and at others the issues of life, and the afterlife. It’s not an everyday thing on the phone et al, but whenever we do meet and walk, the instant bond of a best friend is present. I reflect on these few individuals with a grateful heart, truly.
4:42 pm
Some of the best times of my week are with dear friends. Relaxing, discussing life or “whatever.” I wish more men realized the importance of this.
5:52 pm
My best male friends are at work and I just retired. So, I forwarded your blog to my buddy Charlie and asked if we could move to the next level of regularly talking and hopefully the much desired “BFF.”
Good timing with your blog at this juncture in my life.
5:58 pm
Hyatt, Thanks for the thoughtful post. I wish I had a photo to post here, of a painting you made in 1997… my portrait, my hair longer then, a straw hat. It is indeed signed by you, but not with your iconic “Hyatt” signature. It is signed “Friend.” Thanks for that.
8:16 pm
I have many friends, but the not the “best friend” you describe, and the absence is resounding. I’m going to start looking harder!
9:47 pm
Interesting how very transparent you are about a subject, especially for men, that is sort of something no one really likes to talk about. I believe it is because it reflects on how lonely we can feel and truly be at times. In my opinion, lots of us don’t make time for those all important relationships. A best friend is so very important to have, for both men and women. This entitiy creates balance in your life. It is hard to attain when life gets so busy though, but is something we need to keep pursuing. The Lord did make us to need each other and to need friendship and when blessed with a best friend, that is the ultimate!!!
8:42 am
Greetings friend, please pass on my hellos to Mike E for me.
Thanks for the reminder.
10:43 am
Good advice Hyatt. It’s not always easy to find a good/best friend, but as we wait and pray, the Lord will provide. It’s worth it.
8:37 pm
One of my favorite topics – there’s a secret shame to being lonely. Different from solitude, since it’s not by choice. If God wanted us alone, we would each have our own planet, but He gave us one planet, and many “one-another’s” to go by.